Something else for which I have very little patience is being around complainers. And yet, so often I find myself chiming in*. I'll cringe and get super irritated when strangers whine about the minutia that we whine about (you know the stuff: bills, travel plans, various social media scandals, celebrity shows, etc.), but get scooped up in the euphoria that venting sometimes provides. I don't care what you say or how good you swear it feels, venting for venting's sake does nothing to better one's situation. Yet I do it anyway. Usually with gusto.
I can't stand that the first person I think about in the morning is me. It bothers me that negativity so often overshadows everything; it's a blanket that stifles great joy & silver linings. Sure, there is probably going to be a negative side to most situations. But guess what? The same can be said for positivity. I want to have more of that. I want my life to be a reflection of someone who is grateful for everything she's been given, appreciative of the things she's gone through, and excited about whatever is in store for her future. I don't want to let the negative crush me. I want to make the most of things.
I've noticed that the people in my life whom I've been surrounding myself with recently are all generally very happy, encouraging people. And that makes for awesome conversations and even better relationships. Do those people have bad days? Yes. Do they sometimes get frustrated? Of course. But do they fight negativity with everything they have? Yes, they do. And that makes all the difference.
So here's what I've decided:
I don't want to be a person who annoys passers by with her sob stories about getting the wrong brand of car, the worst seat on the plane, the wrong color of pony . I don't want to be the woman who is a burden to be around. The one who can't wait to spill her whiny guts to whoever happens to be standing nearby. I want to search for the good without letting the negativity of fatigue cloud my progress. I want to move forward, not get hung up on things I'm so certain mean the end of the world. I want to help people. I want to put myself second, third, or better yet, last. I want to be genuinely positive, & not the fake smile kind of positive. I want to be honest-to-goodness positive. I want to be sincere. Transparent. Intentional.
Here's what else I've decided:
Negativity breeds cynicism & pride. Cynicism seems to be something a lot of people experiment with for a time, & I can't pinpoint exactly why that is. It seems as though people think if they're cynical & bitter (or at least act like it), others will be impressed with how different they are. As though being a cynic means you've really lived life & have great & tragic stories to tell. But that isn't true. Yes, people who put themselves out there risk being burned. And yes, being burned often results in cynical tendencies. But here's the thing about cynicism: it doesn't mean you're edgy & mysterious; it means you're deeply unhappy. And being deeply unhappy doesn't mean you've really lived life. That you truly contributed something to the world or made a difference. It means you've been hurt & it means you're stuck. Stagnant. Cynics can't wait to tell people that life isn't all rainbows, milkshakes, & great hair days. Cynics can't wait tell people that love is a lie & people are stupid & no one really gives a crap about anyone but themselves. Cynics are wounded & frozen. Wounds, especially the kind that make you want to tell people the "truth" about life, are only going fester until they're acknowledged. Only then can the healing process begin. An untended wound of the soul leads to infection of the heart.
I don't want an infection like that to set up camp inside of me. I don't want to be sucked into the quicksand of negativity & selfishness. I want to show cynics that although being prideful & angry might be easy for awhile, it creates more pain in the long-run. It creates more hurt to sift through later. I want to seek the good. I want to be approachable. I want people to know that I'm rooting for them. That I love them.
So those are my goals this school year. And I'm all in. Pride be damned.
(*Clarification: I chime in with people I'm comfortable around, not just any group of people swapping grievances.)
